Tokyo. Feb. 2007
Tokyo is remarkably safe,
one result is that people
fall asleep everywhere.
That is something, but
what is truly noteworthy
is the amount of sleeping
passengers on the last
train. It has to be near
68%. It is like a moving
hotel.
I know how this cash register feels...
*
“oh, why didn’t you just say so”
Don’t murder flowers.
Tokyo bathrooms are very clean.
Why? Because Mega-Man cleans them
I sometimes get asked about the vending machines in Tokyo. Yes, some of them sell pornography; but, it is rare.
You know what is big business here? The plastic Food market. No joke. almost every restaurant has a plastic food display outside its door.
I would never think to put up a billboard featuring an image of a fictional, murderous rapist, but it is a great film.
*
The kids in Tokyo have a something similar to the ‘Base system’ kids in America use when referencing the level of intimacy two people have experienced. Instead of 1st, 2nd, 3rd, and ‘around the bases’ the kids here say A, B, C, D. I will just say 1st and 2nd base are A, 3rd base is B.
Japanese UPS
I can think of nothing more boring than a sightseeing tour that only points out local newspapers.
You remember in Middle School when the report cards were sent to your house and you were so dreading going home because your parents would see you got straight ‘C’s. So do the Japanese. So they created this place.
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In America when two people say the same thing at the same time it is sometimes called jinx. They have the same thing in Japan, except it is called “Happy Ice Cream” and yes, they do buy ice cream for the other person when it happens. *
This is a bike map of Tokyo. It is complete nonsense.
Friends
These ar
friends and family
I joined the Tokyo Critical Mass. They all drink together after rides.
I got this picture published
in a Japanese magazine
called Japanzine.
.
g This truck has a built-in stove in its flatbed.
Why? For burning things.
ha.
.
This is one of the handful of pushers who post up in Shinjuku. Love~ Happiness is a hallucinogenic drug akin to Salvia. They also sell DMT.
Matsuya. The greatest meal yen can buy. It is Japanese fast food.
*
Speaking of cats, these are so wrong they have to be right.
December 1st
KFC is a popular destination on Christmas mourning. It is because The Kernel looks like Santa Clause. It is common to see a line out of the door on December 26th. I am not joking. All of my students say it is tradition.
Ha.
This is the only sign i have ever seen in Arabic in Tokyo.
November.
not so subtle imagery.
*
Teaching English is tricky business. You need to teach enough so it appears as though your students are learning, but you also need them to keep coming back to learn more. Thus, Nova has coined the incorrect phrase “Let’s English” in hopes of attracting those who can’t speak English and confuse those that do.
*
There are a lot of porno shops near where i work. it is Kabuki-cho in Shinjuku.
In Japan
ha. Pub = Hostess bar
*
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Look at this site: http://wiikitty.com/index.html
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Martial Affairs are more common in Japan than anywhere else i have seen. Accordingly, there is a term that men and women use to excuse their behavior. it is “Shogunai”. It means “can’t be helped”, or maybe “C'est La Vie.” Many Japanese people speak about their affairs quite openly. The term is also used when a drunk Salaryman wakes up in his own vomit.
Oct. 19.
In an effort to control data piracy the Japanese government has created a mascot for it.
This is 9 vending machines in a row.
< There is an absurd amount of vending machines in Tokyo. This is a contingency plan set forth by the government in case of a natural disaster. They are set to freely dispense their contents in the case of an emergency.>
This sells 5 different plastic figurine. Each one depicts a women begin sexually assaulted. To the right is a UFO catcher which
offers a little girl’s school outfit as the prize. ewwwwwwwww
Oct. 4
Tokyo is so futuristic it has evolved past the toilet. Now the city designates metal holes in the ground for such functions.
Acceptable public behavior:
Reading pornography/ Hentai (cartoon porn) on the train.
Drinking alcohol anywhere you want.
Unacceptable public behavior:
Talking on your cell phone on the train.
Eating while walking.
Oct. 2
While relatively new in the Disney pantheon, Stitch, from the film “Lilo and Stitch”, has achieved cult status in Tokyo. Nearly every girl under 20 both idolizes and adores it/him.
Odd places you need to take your shoes off in Japan:
-Dressing rooms
-Some restaurants/bars (Izakayas)
Oct. 1
Tommy Lee Jones is very popular. No reason is apparent. Here he is pictured on an ad for Boss coffee.
*
Sept. whatever.
When strippers come to English class they put “fortune teller” as their occupation. When questioned on fortune telling they blush, laugh, and say they know nothing about it.
Sept. 27. If Japan was a music video about safety this would be it.
Sept 26
The sounds Americans attribute to animals are absolutely hilarious to many Japanese people. They have an entirely different lexicon of animal noises. Dogs say “Won, won.”
Sept. 25
The most telling experience I have had in Tokyo.
I saw a fire truck, lights on, and a police car, also flashing its lights, outside a store on the crowded Shinjuku streets. A crowd had gathered, necks craned. I walked over and tried to decipher what was going on. The fire men set up a ladder and began to climb up to the large neon sign on the roof. More people came to see what was going on. The fireman came back down the ladder a couple minutes later with his hands cupped. In one dramatic gesture he launches the contents of his hands in the air. It was a pigeon. It flew away and the crowd began to cheer. The police and firemen get back in their cars and leave. Apparently the bird caught its wing between the sign and the roof.
It was like watching a Buddhist parable unfold.
Sept 23
I live in a town called Higashi Koganei, it is known for having a ridiculously large amount of convenience stores. Being as such I do most, if not all, my shopping at store called QQ. Q is Japanese for 9. I shop for all my groceries at a 99 cent store. A quick note, everything purchased will unavoidably fall into two categories: completely inedible or delicious. I have a 50-50 success rate. Earlier tonight I drank some milk that I quickly found to be 100% fresh- no adjustments. Absolutely wretched. No joke it taste like eggs… and old cheese. Another note, the Japanese put eggs on everything. Burger- egg on top, Spaghetti- egg under the noodles, Pizza- Egg on the cheese. Oh and sometimes they disguise the egg as something else. That is something I, and they, find hilarious.
“Ahh here is my quesadilla-just as it looks on the menu, I can’t wait to taste that cheese and tortilla, WHAT THE SHIT IS THIS! AN EGG INSTEAD OF CHEESE! You got me, ok ok, real funny. Kudos Japan, kudos.
Sept. 22
I went to one of the six Sumo Tournaments in Japan today.
The good thing about Sumo tournaments is that every Sumo superstar competes. So unlike baseball where you may see 2 or 3 great performers, you see every great Sumo in every tournament.
They also hold the ring or “doh-yo” to be a holy site. The Sumo Illustrate this fact by throwing salt into the ring to purify it and also stomping out the evil kami before every match. Above the ring a Shinto shrine style roof is erected and the Yokozuna is adorned with Shinto religious garb. The current Yokozuna is Mongolian and considered to be one of the best athletes to fight in decades.
I saw a Sumo wrestler in his fight Kimono on a cell phone and a homeless person in the same train station. That is like seeing a Werewolf riding a unicorn in North Korea.
Oh and one last note I live outside Shinjuku, a Tokyo prefecture called Koganei. If you want to post me something I would like that very much.
J.Christian Greer
Japan, 184-0003 Tokyo-To
Koganei-shi
1-6-7 Midoricho
# 205 Prandol Koganei
later reflection: Some people feel the need to say Tokyo is like ______, or that Tokyo is schizophrenic in that it is both traditional and modern. I cannot ascribe to either of these statements. Tokyo, on account of the very particular notion of national identity the Japanese possess, just is. Also, it seems that whenever anyone makes a statement to the effect of “Japanese people are...” or “Japan is ...” they inappropriately, and incorrectly, ascribe one trait or quality to an entire population. People in Japan are like people in America, Africa, Europe, Antarctica (well that isn’t true i read on the internet Antarctican people are like total losers). Anywhere you go you find jerks, pleasant people, and elvis impersonators... I do acknowledge social commonalities but i am uncomfortable and opposed to broad claims concerning a foreign, not to mention my own, culture. The purpose of this blog (i am ashamed for making that comment) is to present my perspective on random shards of Japanese cultural. I hope you enjoi.
Sept 21
Today I heard a student say “on Christmas my famiry, um, come together and we do each other.” What a sicko.
But on the way home i was lucky enough to behold someone wearing the cowboysandle shoe sometimes known as a “candle” shoe. (see below)
Coffee, or “co-he” as it is called in Japanese, is very popular. this is my favorite flavor. (also see below)
Sept 20
I work in Shinjuku Hagashi. It is a downtown area of Tokyo. It also serves as the Red-light district. Most of my students are Salarymen, prostitutes, and strippers. I always expect interesting dialogue.
Those who can, do, they who can’t, teach…English…in Japan.
Oh, and a note on women’s fashion. Shinkjuku girl style: Designer shorts-cuffed. Black knee high socks. high heels. Sexy but sophisticated top. Women of the world please emulate.
Sept 19.
I was late to work because I was shopping for a Fanny Pack. I didn’t find one and I got in trouble.
Sept 18: Happiness is Japanese Elvises.
I have been told many different things about the Japanese Elvis impersonators. I read that they had been pushed out by the “cosplay” people, i heard that they fell into obscurity in the late 1990s and disbanded, I was told just today that it was all a hoax and they only performed a couple of times ever. I went to Harajuku to find out. My research (internet) lead me to their former location; the entrance to the Meiji Shrine connecting Harajuku to Shibuya. As expected I was met with throngs of cosplay kids, or “Harajuku girls”, but there was no sign of the Elvises. I asked around and nobody even knew that the Elvises were still around. (mind you i speak 8 words of Japanese so my verbal interrogation was limited at best). I then began what became a five hour hunt for the Honky Tonk Men. After countless dead-ends, I managed to reach what appeared to be a good lead. i had located the statue of Elvis. It was tucked away in an alley in Harajuku. The shrine had fresh flowers. However, it was another dead end. There was no sign of activity, nor any one to point me in the right direction. Gutted, i wadded my way back through Harajuku again. The entire day had been wasted on looking for those guys. As far as I knew they hadn’t appeared in years.
I began to head back to the Meiji Shrine. In the mass of the fashion trainwrecks, a girl dressed as God-knows-what caught my eye. She was American. I asked her, in English, where the Elvises were. She knew. I left immediately. Within ten minutes i had found them in all of their glory. My God, my God, thou has delivered me to the Promise Land.
They are the toughest guys i have seen in Tokyo. Yakuza types. Jet black hair. Leather jackets. Motorcycle boots. Beer cans in hand. Elvis Blaring from a radio. These cats wrote the book on freshness. On the real, they are the illest thing i have ever seen outside of El Encierro in Pamplona.
Sept. 17: Blog is launched. I am embarrassed by my behavior.
Initial reflects on Tokyo.
Tokyo does not look like any other city in the world. It looks more like the future than anything. It looks like the set in Blade Runner. Therefore, Blade Runner predicted what the cities of the future would look like.
Drinking in public is Legal. You can buy beers from vending machines.
There is no crime. Cops, out of sheer boredom, walk around standing people’s bikes up if they fall over. They do this dressed as Moon Troopers from Battlestar Galattica.
Many, if not all, of the stray cats have their tails cut off. It is a Buddhist method of warding off bad spirits. Additionally, cats were once believed to be perfect and since nothing in this world can be perfect, Buddhists would cut off their tails.
Nobody wears shoes inside people’s houses and there are no beds. I sleep on a “futon” which is a mat on the floor. Every week or so you must put your mat outside because if you don’t these tiny bugs will come and bite you. This is not a joke.
I saw a homeless man with an ipod living in a cardboard box mansion. It was like eight refrigerator boxes connected by duct tape. It was massive. His shoes were outside.
You can pay for things with your cell phone.
Bicycles are a way of life for everybody. There is no specific laws for cyclists. Many people often ride into oncoming traffic on both sides of the street and on the side walk. I have not seen one helmut. You must have your bike registered to you or you can be arrested. My bike is unregistered.
The train system is so clean and quiet some people get on to take a nap, sitting up of course. Since the train makes one hour loops around the city every hour, people just get off where they got on after an hour. The train is never late. It is there by the minute. If it is late, which it never is, they hand you a slip of paper which you give to your boss excusing your tardiness.
There is a red light district in Shinjuku. I work in it. Some of the things there would make a prostitute from the Pink Rosa blush.
Many of the trees are numbered. Today some one told me what their favorite tree number was.
!MOVIES!
The Emperor
Shibuya Crossing
Calisthenics
Real Fortune Tellers
Beer Vending Machine
The new Statue of Liberty.
While relatively new in the Disney pantheon, Stitch, from the film “Lilo and Stitch”, has achieved cult status in Tokyo. Nearly every girl under 20 both idolizes and adores it/him.
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